A Family Reunion Where No Fights Broke Out

I’ve never been to a family reunion. If I passed them on the street, I would not recognize anyone from the Jackson clan. As a child, I interacted little with Tom VerWay’s family. His parents were dead, many of his siblings lived out-of-state, and his nieces and nephews were much older than I. We simply were not around them very much. I did spend a lot of time with my mom’s family, including my cousins. But that was a long time ago. The last time I saw or spoke to a cousin on my mom’s side was five years ago at her funeral. My cousins are scattered around the country with only a few living in the Chicago area. It’s not that we are estranged; it’s just that we aren’t close.

Last weekend, Brenda and I along with our four children, their spouses, fiancée and our grandson (MJ) spent two wonderful days together celebrating MJ’s first birthday. Those 48 hours were a gift from God to Brenda and me. His grace was on full display, and we praise him for the family he has given to us.

We combined the little man’s birthday celebration with a Christmas bash. We laughed, exchanged gifts, spoiled MJ, received hugs and kisses, worshipped together on the Lord’s Day, and genuinely enjoyed each other. There was no fighting, no sniping, no jealousy, no complaining, no expressions of anger, and no distancing of any one person from another, pretty amazing consider there were 10 sinful, selfish people in a small space. Like I said, God’s grace was on full display. It’s not simply that we are physically related; it’s that we are close.

While many families experience the happiness of family gatherings, many others do not, like the man who recently told me he hasn’t spoken to his older sibling in seven years. Years of pain and conflict have left many families separated by more than state lines. Frankly, some prefer it that way. Being together is little more than an opportunity for spontaneous combustion. It’s easier and less emotional to stay away than it is to be together. Can those situations be resolved? They can, but that is a subject for another time.

I am not naïve to think what I have could not be destroyed in a moment, such is the nature of the flesh and sin. About the closeness of my children, I’ve been asked, “What’s the formula?” My answer, "I don’t know." If required, could we duplicate the outcome? I’m not sure. As I look back and as Brenda and I reminisce, I can point to some critical components.

Our move to Minnesota contributed to our family’s closeness. We did not know anyone in the state of Minnesota when we left Michigan twenty years ago. Our children’s friends were each other. We were concerned when we left Michigan where our children each had dozens of friends. We wondered how they would fare in a place where they knew no one. Our last Sunday in Michigan, we received great counsel from parents of youth group teens who told us how the move had the potential to draw us close as a family if we would see the opportunity for developing relationships over the loss of relationships.

We had no great epiphany that led to homeschooling our children. In fact, upon arrival in Minnesota, we were settled that homeschooling was not what we wanted, but that’s what happened. I am convinced Brenda’s daily influence in their lives as she instructed, managed, and modeled before them promoted in them a growing love for each other.

Practically, I think the pattern of resolving conflict biblically played a significant role in their developing relationships. Like other empty nest parents, Brenda and I have heard stories from our sons and daughters that we had no idea happened when they first occurred. When they tell the stories, the kids laugh. Brenda and I look at each other with puzzled expressions. “How did that happen in our house…how did we not know about that…how did that not cause a major issue?”

Our kids are PK’s but being a PK does nothing to absolve sin and diminish the sin nature. When we sinned against each other, we tried to apply the teaching of Jesus and his apostles to address transgressions. We taught and modeled accepting responsibility and expressing humility both to God and to your sibling. The regular expression in prayer to God and in communication with a brother or sister was, “I was wrong. Will you forgive me?”

When one complained to their mom or me about the behavior of another, we sent them back regularly in the spirit of Matthew 18 with the instruction, “Can you take care of your problem on your own?” Often, they could not and needed parental assistance, but, in time, they learned to address their own problems in a way that honored our Lord, honored each other, and promoted family harmony.

Practically, I believe, without hesitation, corporate prayer promoted the closeness we now enjoy. Our minivans were places of regular family prayer. With some exceptions, the practice was prayer before jumping out of the van for Sunday School, youth activities, sports practices, music lessons, going to a friend’s house, and most everything else. Following conflict between siblings, with some exceptions, the practice was prayer between the sisters and brothers where each heard the other confess sin and pray for God’s aid to love others and not self. I am convinced people who pray together are closer. It’s that simple, and that includes brothers and sisters.

One final thought, I am convinced the shared ministry and love for the Lord and for the local church contributed to their closeness as children and to their ongoing closeness as adults. They love Jesus and they love the church for whom Jesus died. What binds them together now, maybe more than before, is what they share in Christ.

As young adults, I think they all are committed to keeping what they have. I fervently pray they are. I observe as they cover in love. I smile as they share with each other what they have. I am hopeful as they set aside personal preferences for the advantage of another. If they will continue to love the same Jesus, I have every expectation the Holy Spirit will continue to mesh their individual spirits with each other.

I know some will read this and come away frustrated. I am sorry for that. I have no intention to add to your grief. I can offer hope if your children are distant and have little interest in being together. Our Lord is an expert at making the bad good. His working may take longer than you desire (see Joseph and his brothers), but he is capable of bringing about the change that will promote family closeness. My suggestion for you is to pray toward that end, and when you are together with any combination of your children, find occasion to pray with each other and for each other.

As always, I welcome your feedback and any suggestions you might have for an upcoming Lunchtime Musing.

To read past Lunchtime Musings, follow me at medium.com/@mikeverway

Mike VerWay
Pastor for Preaching & Vision

The Last Chapter and the Next

Twenty years ago, December 3, 2000, our church went to church at a new church.

What is a church? It’s a group of Christians who regularly assemble in Jesus’s name to preach the gospel and to affirm one another as Christ-followers through baptism and the Lord’s Supper.

What is a church? It’s an event, as in, “What did I do on Sunday? I went to church.”

What is a church? In the vernacular of most, a church also can be a building.

Last Sunday, our church celebrated twenty years in our church when we gathered for church. COVID-19 prevented a celebration of the kind we wanted to have, but we rejoiced together at our Lord’s faithfulness to us since our move from South St. Paul to Inver Grove Heights.

Our history in South St. Paul, Minnesota, began in the mid-1800s as a church plant from the Riverview Baptist Church in West St. Paul. Years later in 1954 the two Baptist churches in South St. Paul – First Baptist and Calvary Baptist – merged and took the name First Calvary Baptist Church.

At the close of the last century, the members of our church made the bold move to relocate 3.6 miles to the west, and December 3, 2000, a group of people gathered for this first time at our Robert Street location.

The relocation was a gigantic step of faith. The church owned the land outright, and the new construction came in at a cost of $1,300,000. From sale of assets (including the existing church property and Rainbow Ranch, a church camp) and the generous giving of the members, the church had one million dollars in hand, but that left a mortgage of $300,000, a financial obligation they had not experienced for decades.

Further, at the time of the relocation, the church did not have a pastor. Their new pastor and the five others in the VerWay family would arrive in a few weeks and with them, the responsibility to support them. To relocate, to assume a mortgage, to commit to the care of a new pastor was a major undertaking. The reality of this dynamic was so serious, the membership had sober conversations whether the church should move forward or disband and disperse their holdings.

Obviously, they determined to press on. When they took occupancy, they continued to sacrifice in a way that benefits us today. They finished projects not included in the original construction – paving a second parking lot, building a large outbuilding, and furnishing a commercial kitchen – adding $300,000 to their commitment. They and the many who joined after the relocation gave generously and eliminated all debt by the end of 2008. We have enjoyed debt free ministry ever since.

Of the 90 or so who relocated, the vast majority who gathered December 3, 2000, have moved on to heaven, to warmer climates, or to new ministries. 13 remain with us. We thank the Lord for all who handed down to us the history, the facilities, and most importantly, the gospel of Jesus Christ.

In the last twenty years, we have experienced joy and sadness, gain and loss, times of plenty and times of want, salvations and baptisms, weddings and funerals, and ministries too many and too varied to list. Through it all our Lord has been faithful to us and to date has been pleased to allow us to continue as a local church. We thank him for his mercy and his grace, and we commit, by his grace, to be faithful in the years to come. We ask for his kindness to us, and at a time when we could grow weaker, we ask him to make us stronger.

O Lord,

We thank you for the heritage that is ours as the current members of First Calvary Baptist Church. We’ve inherited much from the saints before us. They have delivered to us the buildings we inhabit. They have presented to us wonderful examples of faithfulness to our Savior. They have placed in our trust the gospel of Jesus Christ. They have positioned us to serve you with many advantages. Like those in Hebrews 11, they lived by faith, and we owe them much.

If it pleases you to keep us a church for the foreseeable future, others will remember us. We ask you for wisdom to make good decisions for the present church and the future church. We ask you for the necessary grace to live holy in an unholy age so that we can pass to those after us a holy people. We ask you for strength to labor on when we are weak, discouraged, or dismayed. We pray for more to enter the waters of baptism. We pray for more members to aid us in the work of your kingdom. And we pray in these difficult days that when we could grow weaker, would you make us stronger?

Thank you for our church, and thank you that we are a church, and thank you for every time we come to church. May we always and only boast in our Lord Jesus Christ and his cross.

Amen.

As always, I welcome your feedback and any suggestions you might have for an upcoming Lunchtime Musing.

To read past Lunchtime Musings, follow me at medium.com/@mikeverway

Mike VerWay
Pastor for Preaching & Vision

Solitude Yes, Isolation No

On Sunday, Ms. Cabrera died in an assisted living facility in Florida from a massive cerebral hemorrhage, according to her son. She was 69-years-old. None of us knows Ms. Cabrera, but her story is becoming all too common.

In 2018 Ms. Cabrera suffered a series of strokes making living on her own unrealistic. She moved into the ALF where she would receive all the help she needed in luxurious surroundings. Then COVID-19 arrived. What was supposed to be a cruise ship life for Ms. Cabrera became her prison. Visits from family came to an abrupt stop. Physical therapy was non-existent. She and the other residents were confined to their rooms. Her condition, both mental and physical, rapidly declined. Her family grieves her loss and cannot understand the isolation that deprived her and them of each other in the last months of her life.

Stories like the Cabrera family appear across social media. You probably know someone in a similar situation. God did not create humans to live in isolation (Genesis 2:18), and we are witnessing the impact when isolation occurs.

The outcomes from forced isolation should serve to teach us the dangers of voluntary isolation. Self-imposed isolation is the kind where we withdraw from people under the guise of self-preservation. “I just want to be alone” or “I need to get away from people” are standard retorts to life’s hassles. We believe isolation will relieve us of our troubles. In truth, isolation may pause an immediate pressure, but isolation alone will not solve problems. When those troubles rattle around in our heads during isolation, the noise increases. Isolation cannot and will not release us from ourselves. We take ourselves with us wherever we go.

Isolation is one more trick of The Deceiver (2 Corinthians 11:3-4, 14). Satan tempts us to believe that we are better off apart from the toxicity of the brothers and sisters-in-Christ in the local church. We wrongly conclude “I don’t need these people” (1 Corinthians 12:21) only to discover in isolation more darkness, more burdens, less fresh air, and less freedom.

While the Bible does not direct us to move to isolation and warns us about the practice (1 Kings 19; 1 Corinthians 7:5), the Bible commends solitude.

The sort of solitude that refreshes the Christian soul is more than just separation from other people. Scriptural solitude is the biblical practice of temporarily withdrawing to privacy for spiritual purposes. The period of solitude may last only a few minutes or for days. Generally, it is sought to engage in other spiritual disciplines without the distractions typical in the presence of people.
Donald Whitney

As we read our Bibles, we discover many of God’s people flourishing in solitude. Moses and Elijah in the Old Testament as well as Mary, Peter, and Paul in the New Testament received grace from God in the quiet moments apart from the cares of the day and the interactions with people. Over and again our Lord Jesus left the companionship of the disciples and the challenges of daily ministry for solitude in a quiet place (Mark 1:35), on the mountainside (Luke 6:12), in a boat (Matthew 14:13), or anywhere away from the fray (John 6:15).

Our Lord’s actions teach us the value of solitude that creates an environment where intimacy with our God is possible. The solitude is not the answer. The solitude provides space for the practice of necessary spiritual disciplines like prayer, Bible reading, meditation, and the presence of God.

Seek solitude that serves to refresh you as you receive strength from our Lord in the midst of battle weary living, but reject the temptation to isolation that only serves the flesh and further confines to the prison of the mind.

Pastoral note: if you are aware of someone in isolation who needs help, please contact me. Let’s attempt to help this person together.

As always, I welcome your feedback and any suggestions you might have for an upcoming Lunchtime Musing.

To read past Lunchtime Musings, follow me at medium.com/@mikeverway

Mike VerWay
Pastor for Preaching & Vision

A Pastor's Thanks for the Church He Serves

I'm a big Fourth-of-July guy, and I understand the appeal of Christmas, but for me, the handsdown winner of best holiday is Thanksgiving. For many of us this Thanksgiving will be different, but we still can embrace thankfulness.

For the last twenty years my privilege in service to our Lord has been ministering as a pastor to the people of First Calvary Baptist Church. Here’s my not all-inclusive Thanksgiving list.

1. I thank the Lord for the honor that is mine to preach to a people hungry to hear God’s Word. I stand before kind and respectful persons who return week after week knowing I am the one in the pulpit. They open their Bibles expecting to hear from God and trust me to deliver it. At once, the reality of this humbles me, challenges me, and encourages me.

2. I thank the Lord for a church that welcomes to our assembly people from every skin tone, social status, and walk of life. Our church sees people made in the image of God, loved by the Father, and saved by the blood of Jesus. All differences fade into the background as we worship, learn, and live together.

3. I thank the Lord for a church comprised of generational Christianity. When we gather together for worship, you will find believers who measure their years in single digits, teens, 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s. All believing the same gospel, worshipping the same God, and pursuing the same Christlikeness.

4. I thank the Lord for a church that loves to sing, and since I love to sing, I love to sing with you. Our church embraces old hymns and new texts and tunes. Our church sings with passion and anticipates lifting our voices together toward heaven and toward each other in help and hope.

5. I thank the Lord for nursery staff, ushers, technicians, and administrative personnel who function mostly behind the scenes. We rarely notice them when their jobs are done well, but we quickly discover the significant void when we are without them.

6. I thank the Lord for Bible teachers at every level. God has given our church teachers who instruct all across the spectrum, from two-year-olds to our eldest members. Our teachers range from those just learning the craft to those who have taught the Word of God for seventy years. We are blessed.

7. I thank the Lord for small group leaders. These precious servants of our Lord open their homes week after week to welcome brothers and sisters-in-Christ to gather together to connect, care, converse, and chase so that individual Christians in our church might grow in their discipleship.

8. I thank the Lord for the rich heritage and solid foundation on which our church stands. We have our challenges, but our challenges are not doctrinal. We continue in the same direction the believers before us were headed, and by God’s grace, the same direction those who follow us will head.

9. I thank the Lord for the ministry in our church that I know nothing about - phone calls and text messages made to a Christian sister, coffee with a Christian brother, meals shared with the lonely, gospel conversations with unsaved family or friends, and acts of kindness that prompt our Lord to smile when he sees.

10. I thank the Lord for a church that prays for me. So many say to me, “Pastor, I pray for you.” I believe you, and I thank the Lord for you. You love me enough to know I am incapable on my own, so you ask our Lord to do what I cannot do.

As Paul wrote, “we are bound to give thanks to God always for you, brethren beloved by the Lord, because God from the beginning chose you for salvation through sanctification by the Spirit and belief in the truth” (2 Thessalonians 2:13).

As always, I welcome your feedback and any suggestions you might have for an upcoming Lunchtime Musing.

To read past Lunchtime Musings, follow me at medium.com/@mikeverway

Mike VerWay
Pastor for Preaching & Vision

20 Suggestions for Giving to Missions

Christians give because they follow the example of their Lord who gives abundantly. This week marks our fourth Abounding In Thanksgiving offering for 2020. These offerings support our mission partners around the world as we seek to fulfill the great commission. So, here are 20 ways to consider giving to the offering this week. Maybe these simple ideas (borrowed from writer Chuck Lawless) will help you think about gifts you might give to missions this year:

1. Give to God’s mission the equivalent of the dollars (plus at least one dollar more) that you plan to spend for Christmas presents. Spend some dollars on eternity.

2. Give 1¢, 2¢, 3¢, 4¢, 5¢, $1.00, or more per unreached people group (@ 7000 groups). That would mean $70, $140, $210, $280, $350, or $7000. The sacrifice might be steep, but billions still need to hear.

3. Instead of giving gifts, give Abounding In Thanksgiving Christmas gifts in honor of someone you love. Many of our loved ones won’t be offended if do not receive a gift; after all, the world needs the gospel.

4. Give $10, $25, $50, $100, or more for every year you’ve been a Christian. How long have you been a believer? Even if you give multiple times that amount, though, you could never match what God gave you.

5. Let the Word motivate you to give. Read, for example, the story of the cross in the Gospels or Paul’s instruction to the Corinthian church in 2 Corinthians 9. When we read and hear the Word, we really have no other option but to give.

6. Give sacrificially in honor of the one who shared Christ with you. Give because you have been the recipient of the gospel message. I am grateful for the Sunday School teacher and pastor who told me about Jesus.

7. Remember your largest gift given to ANY need — then add to that amount. Give more to Abounding In Thanksgiving than you’ve ever given.

8. Give 10% of our church’s Abounding In Thanksgiving target. The target for this offering is $17,000. If nine others join you, our church will meet the target. If more than nine join you, praise the Lord!

9. Train your children to give to missions their allowance or money earned at a job. The dollars may be few, but the missions DNA you’re developing in the next generation will pay long-term dividends.

10. Give to cover the cost of keeping a missionary on the field for a certain number of days. The daily cost is approximately $170; use that figure, and multiply it times the number of days you will cover.

11. Give sacrificially in honor of a veteran, retired missionary. We support multiple missionaries who have come off the field in their older years. These folks will always be missionaries who want to get the gospel to those who’ve never heard. Honor them by supporting that work.

12. Fast for one meal per week between now and Christmas, and instead give the cost for those meals to the offering. Praying and fasting will likely only increase our giving – and missing one meal a week won’t hurt most of us.

13. Listen to these Week of Prayer stories or watch these Dispatches from the Front, and be challenged to give. It’s hard to hear these stories and not want to sacrifice for the sake of the gospel and the world. We’re privileged to support brothers and sisters who are giving their lives for God.

14. Give 1¢, 5¢, 10¢, .20¢, or more per unengaged, unreached people group (@ 3000 groups). Help get the gospel to groups for whom there is no current witness.

15. Challenge your small group to reach a combined goal for our Abounding In Thanksgiving offering. Push one another to give and help each other follow through with the commitment.

16. Match your monthly gift to our church. Of course, I am assuming here that you give well to support our church. If so, do the same for the AIT offering. If not, commit to increasing both!

17. Sell some “stuff,” and give the funds to the nations. Many of us have much more “stuff” than we will ever need. We can live without it, but the world cannot live without Jesus.

18. Set up a recurring monthly gift to AIT. By giving this way, you can spread your giving through the entire year.

19. Give $10, $25, $50, $100, or more for every year that a missionary you know has been on the field. Multiply the years by the number you wish to give to determine your gift.

20. Prayerfully give until your faith is genuinely stretched. As I have taught the church, we should “feel” our giving. Many of us give only out of our excess. Ask God to help you to give until you are forced to trust Him to meet your remaining needs or until you must put off a desired purchase or use of your money because you gave it to missions.

As always, I welcome your feedback and any suggestions you might have for an upcoming Lunchtime Musing.

To read past Lunchtime Musings, follow me at medium.com/@mikeverway

Mike VerWay
Pastor for Preaching & Vision