My whole life pastors have exhorted me and the men around me to be spiritual leaders. As a kid, my home church would host a week of special meetings featuring the preaching of a traveling evangelist. Routinely, Friday night was family night. The preacher would challenge the men to lead “family devotions,” a time of Bible reading where the whole family participated.
My dad tried, he really did, but he was up against serious challenges. His eighth grade education combined with his very limited reading skills made reading the KJV aloud nearly impossible. His kids were in a Christian school where we had chapel five days a week and a Bible class every day. His wife was an elementary teacher in a Christian school. When it came to Bible knowledge, he was low man in the order. My memory is that my dad’s attempts to lead a Bible reading time lasted one or two days.
While I strongly encourage a man leading his family in Bible reading, that is not and should not be his only act of spiritual leadership. Here are a few simple acts for spiritual leadership.
Promote Prayer
There may not be anything more impactful that a man can do for his family, his friends, or his church than to pray for them. Consider praying at a set time each day, like on your way to or from work, over lunch, or at a morning break. You might pray impulsively when a child’s name comes to mind or your wife’s image flashes across your eyes. Pray when you are away from your family, and pray when you are with your family. Do not underestimate the impact on your children of them hearing you pray by name for them.
A great time to pray is right before they get out of the minivan when you are dropping them off at practice, rehearsal, a school or church event, at grandma’s house, or a friend’s party. Before the door opens, just say, “Let’s pray before you leave.” Then, pray for the child before she bounces away, asking for God’s protection and blessing on your little girl.
Grandpas (my bro’s in the club), here’s a great way for you to impact your grands. When you’re helping out by picking up the kids and taking them somewhere or bringing them home, let them here you pray for them. You’re the patriarchal Christian in the family. They will love that you pray for and with them. Do this enough and soon they will say to you, “Grandpa, would you pray for me? I need God in a big way.” What Christian grandpa wouldn’t smile at that request?
Resolve Conflict in Your Home
My marriage has conflicts because my marriage is made up of two sinful, selfish people. The same goes for my home. Most days require conflict resolution. The Bible tells me how to resolve conflict. Spiritual leadership takes the first steps to resolve conflict. Spiritual leadership doesn’t wait for others to resolve conflict with me. Spiritual leadership doesn’t put off on a spouse resolving conflict between children. Spiritual leadership works to bring resolution to conflicts that reflects God’s initiation of conflict with us.
Answer And Ask Questions
It was an awkward moment that I remember all too well. I was 11 or 12 and heard a sexual word at my school, a word that I didn’t know its meaning. I arrived home from school before my dad and was sitting in the living room watching after school television. My dad came in, and I dropped the bomb on the poor man who just wanted to rest from a long day of turning wrenches on heavy equipment.
“Dad, what does ‘a!G3@h%>’ mean?”
My question sucked all the oxygen from the room. To this day I recall my dad’s three-word answer. I learned there were some subjects about which I was not supposed to ask any questions, sex being one of them. When we don’t answer the questions our wives and kids ask of us, we teach them to live independently of us. They will find leadership in other places, and don’t be surprised when they decide you can’t help them with their problems.
Make Sunday a Great Day
Who is the most excited in your family about Sunday? Is it you, the spiritual leader? This is the day you get to bring your family to be part of a group that gets to meet God. What is better than that?
To make Sunday a great day, practice the principle Sunday morning begins Saturday night. Help with the baths. Get the Sunday morning clothes out before the kisses that end the day. Saturday night, find the shoes, coat, hat, and Bible that always seem to be missing when it’s time to load up the SUV.
Make the ride to the church building a great experience. Sing our songs, the ones your kids know, and sing them again and again. Make the ride the launch for your family’s worship. Then, before you empty the van, pray out loud for your family as you head in to the church building.
And one more thing, smile! This is Sunday, the day when we rest from our labors and receive from our God. Smile when you see your family first thing in the morning. Smile when you see them load up in the minivan. Smile when you buckle them in. Smile when you take them to their Sunday School class. You just dropped your kid off in a place where they will hear about Jesus. Smile when your family sits around you in worship. Smile when you leave the building after worship. Smile when you see your family together again having met with God. Show your family how happy you are for what all of you have received from God.
One last thought - it’s not too late to start. Maybe you’ve got some serious ground to recover. Maybe you haven’t been the spiritual leader your family, friends, or your church needs, but you can make up lost ground. By God’s grace you can be a spiritual leader. You can point people toward God, what a spiritual leader does.
We are in this together. You pray for me, and I will pray for you.
As always I welcome your feedback and any suggestions you might have for an upcoming Lunchtime Musing.
Mike VerWay
Pastor for Preaching & Vision