So, I’m a grandpa married to a grandma, and the joy has just begun. As an official member of the club, I’ve heard from other club members how awesome membership is and all the great moments that await me. Bring 'em on!
MJ’s life right now consists of eating, sleeping, and filling his diaper. He’s still figuring out mom and dad, so knowing grandpa will have to wait just a little bit longer. But it won’t be wasted time for me. I’ve been thinking about the kind of grandpa I want and don’t want to be.
I want to be a grandpa who loves unconditionally. MJ, his siblings, and his cousins will receive that love from their parents, that’s for certain, but I want him to have my love without any strings attached. He doesn’t have to earn my love. He won’t be loved more or less by what he does or doesn’t do. He’s loved because he’s my grandson. I don’t want to be a grandpa that expects behaviors and rewards them accordingly. Like his daddy before him, I hope MJ will grow to love me because I first loved him (1 John 4:19).
I want to be a grandpa who initiates conversations that inform MJ about the present world and the world to come. I’m new at this, but I’ve been around grandparents my whole life. I’ve done most everything a grandson can do with his grandparents. Instruction and counsel from Don and Marian Christensen stay with me until today. I don’t want to be the kind of grandpa who refuses to talk about hard realities for fear of my grandchild’s response to me. I’ve lived a long time, have benefitted from God’s patient shaping of my life, see life from the perspective of time, have witnessed God’s care for me and our family, and have much to offer MJ and the rest. I cannot stand by idly as the years go by hoping for the best; instead, I must choose to speak to him with gracious words that will point him toward Christ and away from himself (Ephesians 4:29).
I want to be a grandpa who helps MJ’s mom and dad with discipline while leaving the correction to them. MJ’s perfect with the exception of that pesky sin nature he’s carried with him from birth. That sin nature will express itself and require a righteous response from his parents. Like my grandmother and mom, I won’t like when his mom and dad correct him. It will pain me to see his discomfort. So, I won’t be the one correcting him, but I can be the one helping to discipline him. I can be the one showing him the righteous way to speak. I can be the one who helps him to obey his mom and dad and our Lord. I don’t want to be a grandpa who confuses the roles. So, no spankings or groundings from me, but all the aid in discipline I can offer (Deuteronomy 6:2).
I want to be a grandpa who helps MJ’s mom and dad be the best parents they can be. I want to say yes when they call asking for my help, even if my yes is inconvenient for me. We live hundreds of miles apart, but if the time comes when we live closer, I want to pick him up from practice and take him to his oboe and piano lessons. I want his parents to drop him off so they can have dinner together or spend a few days riding roller coasters or walking New Hampshire’s shorelines. I want to share Brenda with them at a time when I should get her all to myself. I’m tempted to think, “I’ve been sharing her with our children for the last 29 years; she’s all mine now.” But that’s selfish. I want to allow them to have her as much as they want. Sure, I’ll eat Dorito’s and drink Pepsi for dinner while she’s gone, but I’ll survive. I do not want to be a grandpa who sees these later years as mine, unencumbered by the needs of littles and their parents (Galatians 6:10).
I want to be a grandpa who is positive. I don’t want to be a grumpy old man. I’ve watched a lot of grandparents up close and personal in my role as a pastor. Many of them are very sweet, see the goodness of God all around them, wear a smile, and only have good things to say about others. And then there are those older people who are critical of church members, other family, store employees, the postman, children in the neighborhood, their spouses, the church piano player, and whatever or whoever else is in their crosshairs on a given day. Generally, I don’t want to be around them any longer than I have to be. By God’s grace, my grandchildren will not think that about me (Philippians 2:14).
I want to be a grandpa who makes much of Jesus. For more than a few years as I’ve seen this day approaching, I’ve pondered a time when one of my descendants does not know Jesus. It’s fearful to me to think of a future where our Lord must again send an evangelist to tell my grandchildren about Jesus. Our Lord did that already in the 1960s when he sent the Baptist pastor to my grandparents door to tell them the gospel. Four generations of Christians have followed Jesus since that day. But I have cousins who do not know Jesus, who do not know of his love for them, and who once again need an evangelist to them the good news. At present, my greatest fear is another evangelist will be necessary for one or more of my grandchildren too. I do not want to be a grandpa who talks about sports, school, hobbies, career, but doesn’t talk about Jesus. I want a common subject in my home, in my car, on my boat, and as we walk to be the beautiful Son of God and his love for us (Romans 10:14).
God says, May you see your children’s children (Psalm 128:6). Like other of God’s gifts I was foolish to loathe the day when I would be called grandpa, thinking that somehow labeled me old and decrepit. I have received one of God’s richest gifts. There will be a learning curve as there is with all God’s gifts to us, but I want to be a good steward of that gift for God’s glory and for MJ’s good.
May God grant me grace.
As always I welcome your feedback and any suggestions you might have for an upcoming Lunchtime Musing.
Mike VerWay
Pastor for Preaching & Vision