I cannot imagine how Jeffery and I could have made our trip to Greece better. The sights and sounds and foods and experiences were everything we hoped for and more. We had a great time.
If you ask me what was the best part of our trip and what was the most fun part of our trip, I must provide two different answers. The answer to “best part” will have to wait. The answer to “fun part” is easy. I had more fun than I can express driving a 6-Speed Fiat through the mountains, along the coasts, in the villages, and around the city of Athens. We learned quickly that stop signs and speed limits are suggestions. Stop lights and pedestrian crossings are not. Cars, not people, have the right of way in Greece, but don’t blow through a crosswalk. You might plow someone.
It's going to take me a few words, but I hope you’ll do more than skim and read to the end as I tell you about the fun times.
ROAD TRIP
In preparation for our trip, I heard over and again of the folly to attempt to drive in Greece. We drove more than 600 miles, and not one mile was wasted. People warning about immense traffic, manual transmissions, ridiculously narrow streets, a roadway grid that is thousands of years old, and crazy taxi drivers are enough to scare off many, but not us. Jeffery and I concluded the key to driving in Greece is defensive aggression. Downshift, step on the accelerator, pay attention, assume your car will fit the narrow opening, trust your instincts, respect other drivers, and you’ll do just fine. Man, I can’t wait for the first time Brenda jumps in the passenger seat when I am at the wheel as we tool around the Twin Cities. She can’t expect me to drop my Greek driving habits right away.
And that leads me to a lesson on marriage and the roles of husband and wife illustrated by driving with Jeffery in the rural villages and bewildering layout of the Athens city streets.
Really, it didn’t take me long to pick up on the culture of driving in Europe, “Defensive Aggressive.” But without Jeffery navigating, we would have been in deep trouble. Jeffery can drive a manual transmission, but it’s not second nature to him like it is to me. Jeffery’s skill with google maps is unmatched. We made a great team.
I am convinced a whole lot of Christian marriages would be a lot more fun if they were driven like a father and son cruising the mountains, highways, backroads, and narrow streets of Greece.
Have you ever seen action movies of European cities with their narrow streets, roundabouts, random one-way roads? We lived that for the last week. I’m driving aggressively and fast but with no real idea of where I am taking us. For directions, I relied on Jeffery – our navigator and my helper. My driving skills without his navigation would have frustrated me. Driving in the city of Athens requires processing so much information in real time. If I had to navigate too, the best I could have hoped for was wasted time and the worst, a collision as I roared through an intersection or drove the wrong way down a one-way street.
As good a driver as Jeffery is in his K5, having to work a manual transmission while trying to practice defensive aggression would have led to failure. For us to be successful driving in Greece each had to fulfill his role. Neither role was superior to the other. Both roles were vital, and when both fulfilled their roles, we worked beautifully. When either of us neglected our roles or veered into the role of the other, we had some problems.
One morning we were in a small coastal town in the Peloponnese peninsula. I erratically chose a right hand turn before Jeffery gave directions. It was the narrowest of streets leading I know not where that continued to narrow as I drove and offered no way out that I could quickly see. I got us into this mess and needed to keep driving to get us out, but I needed help from my partner, our navigator, my helper. “Jeffery, get us out of here,” I requested. You must understand, I could not simply stop the car. I had to keep moving because other cars were behind us. My request to Jeffery was not one asking him to take the wheel because I messed up. Two things had to happen if we were going to solve the problem – I had to keep driving and Jeffery had to navigate. Both of us had to know our roles and execute our roles. Both were necessary. Both were important. Neither was superior to the other. A casual observer might look at our car whizzing through the streets and assume the driver of the car is the more important member of the team. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I drove. I determined the speed at which we traveled. I determined the risk level I was willing to accept for us as I drove fast on mountain curves and roared by other drivers at high speeds. I requested, “find us a gas station” as we made our way to our destination. Without Jeffery by my side, the potential for success plummeted, the likelihood of calamity increased, and the fun factor went out the sunroof. At one point I said to Jeffery, “What we’re doing is a lot like a good marriage.”
A LOT LIKE GOD'S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE
Jeffery likes to drive, and he likes to drive fast. More than once he said to me, “I would love to drive my K5 on this road,” but that wasn’t his role in this partnership. Wise women understand their role in marriage. They use their strengths to help their husbands get both of them to the place that they would have great difficulty getting to alone. She doesn’t complain about her role. Like Jeffery, she embraces its importance. Like Jeffery, she improves in her skills. Like Jeffery, she delights in the outcome. Like Jeffery, she is secure in her husband’s leadership to take her safely to their destination and to make the ride along the way a whole lot of fun!
Like Jeffery, she offers her husband praise at appropriate times. Toward the end of our trip, Jeffery quickly said we need to take a turn in about 500 meters. I was in the far-left lane. To our right were two big rigs and some smaller cars. I quickly assessed the situation, dropped from sixth gear to fourth, punched the accelerator, made the turn, all without causing any angst to the other drivers or discomfort to my partner. A few moments later, Jeffery offered the simple words, “Well done, dad.” The only time over more than 600 miles that he complimented my driving. Of all the words spoken between us over the last week, those words stick in my mind. A wise woman’s words toward her husband will do the same.
I am, by nature, a leader. Wise leaders listen to those around them. A wise husband listens to his wife and refuses her council to his own detriment. I know husbands who have a hard time receiving helpful words from their wives. At times, I am one of them. 99% of the time Jeffery’s navigation was right on. 99% of the time, not 100%. I trusted Jeffery with every direction he gave to me. My heart trusted in him. He wanted the same thing that I wanted. When I listened to him, my life was better. I can’t recall questioning any guidance he offered, including that one time.
The road grid in Greece is whack by US standards. Jeffery and I had to learn vocabulary and how to communicate with each other. “Veer left” is different than “Turn left,” and “Go straight” probably means include a jog right to go straight. It’s the communication stuff all marriages require. We were doing great until we were not. Jeffery’s google map gave a direction that was less than clear when we came to a fork in the road at highway speeds. He told me to go left when we should have gone right. He made an error in judgment. I followed his recommendation. We went the wrong way. It cost us 20 minutes.
We needed leadership at that moment and not a lecture from me on better navigation or communication skills. We had a problem, a minor one, but a problem, nonetheless. Getting out of the problem required my leadership to keep driving, to give him time to navigate the route, and to lead us to resolve the problem together. And resolve it we did without conflict, without sharp words, and without comparison, “Why can’t you be like other sons and navigate so that we don’t get lost?”
Proverbs 31 offers a great assessment when it says, “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will not lack anything good.” I am convinced there are many Christian husbands who do not trust their wives, who do not value the necessary contribution she delivers, and who lack a lot of good in their marriages and in their lives because they ignore the gift she is to him.
So, yeah, the most fun thing for me was driving defensive aggressive in Greece. I think Jeffery would place our road trips in his top two as well.
There are too many Christian marriages that are not fun. That’s a shame. God didn’t design marriage to be a burden. I am convinced a whole lot of Christian marriages would be a lot more fun if they were driven like a father and son cruising the mountains, highways, backroads, and narrow streets of Greece.
As always, thanks for reading, and I welcome your feedback and any suggestions you might have for an upcoming Lunchtime Musing.